Reasons for NOT having a Child
Angela Brown
Ron is from a very domineering family and had quite an unhappy childhood, unhappy enough that even though he married, he doesn't (and never did) want any children of his own. Not a problem except his wife, my friend Evelyn (not her real name) is obsessed with trying to get pregnant.
She explained to me over drinks the other day, that Ron is never home, doesn't spend any time with her and this (having children) will bring him back to her and strengthen their relationship.
EVELYN WAKE UP!
Reasons for NOT having children include:
Fear of a Failing Relationship. If you fear your relationship with your spouse is falling apart - that is NOT the time to have a child. Instead, take a relationship class together, read self-help books by experts on how to boost your marriage and make it a point to go on a date together once a week. Don't focus on sex, but rather on communication and being close (holding hands, making eye contact when you talk, talking, listening and cuddling. The rest will come naturally.)
Fear You Will Grow Old Alone. Don't ever have a child just so you'll have someone to take care of you when you are old. Look around and you'll see lots of aging parents who have adult children moving back in with them (often with kids of their own), who deplete emotional and financial resources rather than providing them. Instead focus on building a retirement fund that will provide for your financial needs, and spend your precious energies improving and building relationships with friends and other relatives. (Everyone around you is growing older; all you have to do is get involved in the lives of the people around you for companionship.)
Lack of Love. If you feel you are not loved enough - making a baby to love you back is NOT a sound decision. Instead, focus on creating more love in your life. Do this by loving yourself and accepting yourself more. Focus on accepting and loving your spouse more. Spend time each day in prayer and meditation to improve your spirituality and volunteer at a women’s or children's shelter.
Because Your Friend is Pregnant. Just because four of your neighbors or co-workers are pregnant that is NOT the reason to have children. There will always be kids for your child to play with. Instead, celebrate with your friends who are pregnant and share in their happiness - you don't necessarily have to have something because someone else does.
Romantic Fantasy. If you are one of the millions of girls who grew up thinking that one day you would grow up, marry, have children and live happily ever after - welcome to reality. Being a parent is hard work and there is more to it than sweet, smiling, sleeping babies. Instead, volunteer to baby-sit the neighbor kids, your nieces and nephews or your friend’s kids for the weekend while they have some time off. Create a babysitting schedule where you regularly take their kids for a day, a weekend or a several hour stint. Make sure you understand all of the nuisances that accompany parenting before you have one of your own.
Biological Clock is Ticking. Your getting older is NOT a very good reason to have a child. Raising children requires a good deal of energy, money, emotional support, time, and other various resources. Make sure you have enough years ahead of you that will allow you to be active in your children's lives for the next twenty five years. If you are aging and haven't had children of your own, and really want one, consider being a foster parent or adopting. Most states in the US have more children cycling through the social services program, in need of a good family, than they have homes for the kids.
Your Family & Friends Expect You To. Realize that when you are single, all of your married friends will do the match-making thing to pair you up with somebody so you don't have to grow old alone - and when you are married they want you to have a child. When you have one - they want you to have a second, or third. Instead, live life for your own reasons and have kids for your own reasons, not to impress family or friends - they are usually not there to help raise them anyway.
Getting pregnant on a whim is never a good idea. Make sure you understand the reasons why you want to have a child and then engage your spouse in discussion and prayer to make sure it’s right for you.
© 2005 Words of Wellness
